When I think I couldn’t slip any deeper I keep going deeper and deeper into my depression and now I’m on nothing for anything. I’m spiraling out of control.
I feel i am doing all I can to keep myself safe, I have nothing left. I’m caring less and less and am reasoning in my mind that everybody would be fine without me, well they would have to.
Is this even the real world or am I living in my own nightmare?
I’ve been snapping at my family and cant seem to control it which makes me want to kill myself even more. I wouldn’t be here to hurt them anymore.
Thoughts will enter my head that doesn’t feel like mine telling me to things like “do it”, “do it now”, “kill yourself”,”hurt yourself”.
I don’t know how much longer I can hold on for.
I’m not always thinking clearly, my brain is always racing
I have major depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD and newly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
My brain isn’t always making sense for an example, I was taking a bath and moved my leg which caused movement in the water and i thought oh shark. for a split second i truly thought their was a shark in my bath water.
I’m finding it extremely difficult to even get up and do anything.
I have a feeling I’m distancing myself from my family so if I end up killing myself I won’t hurt them as bad.
sleep is the only relief I have found
When I’m home I just stay in my room.
I’m starting to feel like I’m gone on the inside.
I can’t socialize and communicate all the time like other people it’s really difficult having autism along with mental illness.